Friday, November 15, 2013

Halloween: The Haunted Cornfield

It's time for the 26th Secret Subject Swap.  Karen from BakingInATornado brings together a group of bloggers who submit a prompt.  From there each of us is randomly assigned one of these prompts to complete.  Nobody knows who was assigned what and that's half the fun.

My Secret Subject was submitted by 'Confessions of a Part-Time Working Mom.'  

My prompt was 'Invent a story using the following 10 words in whatever order you chose:
Cornfield, audience, representative, temperature, carrier, ocean, guilt, picture, confidence, partner.'

So, without further delay, here is my story:

It was a cool November evening, the temperature outside was perfect for a walk.  My partner-in-crime, Sleepy Bard, and I decided to head out for some fresh air and exercise.  We decided to walk to the local gas station as we did on so many occasions.  As we walked, we laughed and talked about our future.  We would often fantasize about where our freelancing could take us.  A young couple on their nightly stroll, to any passerby it was a picture-perfect scene.

When we arrived at the gas station we were greeted by the cashier, who we had come to know very well.  Without feeling any guilt, we walked to the soda fountain, they offered ginormous drinks for under a dollar.  Sleepy Bard loved the crushed ice they offered and so we loaded up on the stuff.  As we were paying for our soda and chatting to the cashier, he told us about an event we just had to see.  It turned out that a local cornfield was being used as a haunted attraction.  Something haunted?  After Halloween?  We had to check it out.

Of course, I was designated the soda carrier for our journey.  We walked for several blocks before Sleepy Bard started complaining about foot pain.  I silently questioned how she planned to 'survive' a haunted attraction.  I spurred her on by enticing her with the fun we would have once we arrived.  Several cusses and a spilled soda later, we continued on.

When we arrived a large audience had already gathered around.  A short man, acting as a representative for the event, was explaining what was to happen.  He explained that several actors were in place within the cornfield, their job was to 'kill' each of us.  If an actor managed to touch us we would be considered dead and would fail our mission, which was to survive for the next hour.

It sounded like fun and we had come all this way.  So, with confidence, we entered the cornfield with several dozen other participants.  After several minutes had passed screams could be heard echoing through the air.  Not far from where we stood we could hear a man swearing about how he had been killed off so quickly.  We gave each other a smile, checked our corners and continued.

Eventually, we entered a clearing.  What we saw startled us and when Sleepy Bard let out a squeal I thought for sure we would be seen.  One of the other participants was being grabbed by a man in a Michael Myers mask.  Sleepy Bard is terrified of Michael Myers and this is why she had squeaked in terror.  I was ready to laugh at the participant's misfortune at losing the competition, but then the man in the mask plunged his knife into the man's chest and I went white.  An ocean of blood sprayed from the man's wound, Sleepy Bard let out another whimper.  Thankfully, the man in the mask did not notice.

I made a motion to Sleepy Bard to indicate that we had to go.  We had to get out and find some help.  We managed to get out of the cornfield without anyone taking notice.  We ran a couple blocks to the police station.  We quickly told our story to an on-duty officer who gave us a blank stare.  He insisted that there was no such event in town and certainly no cornfield.  After pleading with him, the officer agreed to come with us to see what was going on.  When we arrived both Sleepy Bard and I had gaping mouths.  The cornfield was gone.  We continued trying to convince the cop what we had seen.  All he did was threaten to throw us in jail for being drunk in public.  Neither of us had been drinking and we didn't try to argue our point any further.  We knew the cornfield had been there and we know we witnessed a murder, but what proof did we have?

As we trudged back home we both realized, the cashier at the gas station knew about the cornfield.  We could go to him and surely that would prove our story.  When we got back a different cashier, one we did not recognize, was on duty.  We asked her when the previous cashier would be back on-duty.  We were told that he had been murdered the previous night and we couldn't have possibly seen him.

We couldn't believe it.  Could we both be going crazy?  We went home and made a pact to never speak of what had happened again.  One thing was for certain, we would never visit a cornfield again. 

Secret Subject Swap

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

What Did I Do?

Yeah. . . So, I may have played Minecraft the other night.  Tiny Bard told me I needed to give it a fair shot before I judged it.  He was right of course.  Don't we always tell children they can't say they don't like something if they haven't tried it?

So, I took the game for a spin.  It didn't last very long.  I can't say I was overly impressed either.  If you want to read about my entire experience then follow me to A Newb's First Impression of Minecraft.

Monday, October 7, 2013

Man Sandwich: It's What's for Lunch

It's so good to see my Sprites again.  So much has been going on around our house, it's surprising that it's already Monday again.  Of course, Monday means that The Tinys need to head off to school.  And, of course, going to school means that they will need lunches.

Well, Tiny Bard had the task of making the lunches each night.  However, he has since decided to trade his chore for one of Tiny Artist's.  So from here on out Tiny Bard will be cleaning the bedroom and Tiny Artist will be making school lunches.

You probably already see where this is going.  If Tiny Artist is in charge of lunches hilarity must be soon to follow.  Right you are!  Follow me to How to Make a ManSandwich to see how his first night went.

Thursday, October 3, 2013

Addictions: A True Life Story

It's Theme Thursday again?  Already?  Okay, here goes.  This weeks theme is collections, so I thought I would tell you all about my various card collections over the years.

No, not your typical playing cards.  Although I do have a pretty awesome set of those with a Mass Effect theme.  So, you know.  Win.  I mean more along the lines of Pokemon or Magic the Gathering cards.

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Sorry for my Absence a Zombie Needed my Attention

Hey, Sprites!  Sorry for my absence these past few days.  As you may have heard Sleepy Bard was feeling ill.  I was spending a large portion of those days to trying to make her feel better.  I also attempted to watch The Walking Dead with her but because I had other responsibilities I missed out on most of the third season (Sleepy Bard put up her method on How to Watch theEntire Third Season of The Walking Dead in Under 24 Hours.  And in response I put up my guide on How Notto Watch the Entire Third Season of The Walking Dead in Under 24 Hours).

Aside from that I also had my first major writing job.  It may have been small compared to things that established writers get but it means quite a bit to me.  I was paid to write a guide on an online video game.  How cool is that?

I have also picked up one other writing assignment that is a bit less exciting.  I am finding every excuse to put it off until later.  Come on it's not due until Friday. . . I still have time.  I'll start working on it sometime today I guess.

Other than that not much happened these past few days.  It was pretty much lounging around the house.  Unless you count taking The Tinys to and from school.  Or running to the grocery store for various cures for Sleepy Bard's illness.

Yeah so, I'm back.  I know you missed me, as I missed you.

Friday, September 27, 2013

Family Night at The Insomniac Home

The Tinys have decided that both I and Sleepy Bard are working all the time.  We actually manage to set aside a fair deal of time for these kids.  Regardless, we decided from here on out Wednesday will be family night.  So what did we do during our first night of mandatory fun?  If you want to find out follow me to Wednesday Night is Now Family Night.

Thursday, September 26, 2013

The Saga Continues: Star Trek VS Star Wars

So the theme this week is television?  I was not sure which direction I wanted to take this.  I could rile up the age old arguments.  Star Trek or VS Star Trek The Next Generation.  How about Captain Picard VS Captain Kirk?   Well my choice is close to those but not quite.  I decided on Star Trek VS Star Wars.  What did you say?  Star Wars is a movie and not television?  Well I think The Tinys would disagree with you.  As they pointed out over our dinner discussion last night, The Clone Wars is a television show.

So down to business.  How would I compare these two?  Each has their merits.  I may be biased towards Star Trek just a little.  But come on. . . Mr. Spock, Lt. Cmdr Data, and of course, Captain Picard. . . just to name a few.  Can you really tell me that Luke, Han, and Yoda (okay maybe Yoda) can compare to these guys?

This was actually a very serendipitous choice of topic as The Tinys started a debate about Wars VS Trek over dinner last night.  It all started when, just before we sat to down to eat, Tiny Bard noticed that Sheldon had put up a Facebook update.  We pointed out that it was likely just an assistant who does his updates for him.  When we were all sitting and piling food onto our plates  Sleepy Bard asked me if I knew who did  do all of his own updates.  She told me that George Takei was in total control of his tweets and FB statuses.

"Who's that?"  Tiny Artist chimed in.

When we explained that he played Sulu on Star Trek we of course got another question.

"Who's Sulu?"

I explained that Mr. Sulu was a character on Star Trek. 

"Star Trek sucks,"  he responded bluntly. 

"Star Wars is much better." Tiny Bard added.

Oh, you poor children.  Who raised you?  I told them that while Star Wars does have its merits, if I had to choose only one to be in my life it would have to be Star Trek.  Sleepy Bard agreed with me.

"But I thought you liked Star Wars more, Mommy,"  responded Tiny Artist.

She pointed out that while she enjoys both, and likes Star Wars more,  she had grown up on Star Trek.

"Star Trek is horrible.  Star Trek The New Generation is even worse,"  Tiny Artist said.

I corrected him and offered that he probably  meant The Next Generation.

"I don't care.  That's how little it means to me.  I don't care about the name."

Oh My. . . These kids need help.  The exchange was more or less over at this point.  We pointed out how only 3 of the 6 movies in Star Wars were worth anything.  Which means that choosing Trek would give more content.

"The Clone Wars television show is good, too," Tiny Bard interjected.

He had a point.  But no.  The Clone Wars is not worth what Star Trek is.  I may need to subject these kids to a Star Trek marathon (I am currently in the process of watching the entire Next Generation again). 

I did point out to them that had Star Trek not existed they wouldn't have their precious Star Wars.

Editor's Note: I don't know if this is really the truth or not.

"The next words from my mouth are not rooted in fact,"  I said. "Had George Lucas not seen how successful Star Trek was, he would not have decided to jump on the space bandwagon and make Star Wars."

They gave me looks with a clear meaning.  I was crazy.  Perhaps.  But Star Trek will always be the superior franchise to me.  I kind of went off course explaining my reasoning behind this.  I suppose I'll have to save my more detailed arguments for a future post.  Right now I have to get some sleep.  If I don't, I won't be up in time to wake up the moose (by the way did you happen to read about that? You can read that if you follow me to Waking the Hibernating Moose).

Live long and prosper, Sprites.

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

An Insomniac Will Eventually Sleep Like a Moose

Hey Sprites, I have a story for you today.  Around The Insomniac House I am the designated waker upper.  For most people this isn't really that big of a deal.  Around here however, it is a huge deal.  I have to contend with moose.  Every. Single. Day. How do I do it?  If you would like to hear the tale then pull up a chair.  Oh, and yes you do have to do some work.  You will have to click here.

Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Minecraft is the Devil's Plaything

If you've had to suffer through Minecraft videos on YouTube you are not alone.  Living with The Tinys means a daily dose of mindless drivel.  I'm all for freedom of expression but why does every "Minecrafter" seem to be a 12 year old screaming at the top of his lungs?  You don't think it can be that bad?  I might have agreed with you a couple of months ago.  Those times are gone.  I've seen things, man.  And stuff.  If you have no care for your innocence then pull up a chair, I'll tell you a story.  That would of course involve clicking here.

Monday, September 23, 2013

Going Bananas for Monkey Burger

Do I have a tale for my Sprites today.  As you may or may not know we Insomniacs go out to eat each Friday.  Every week we rotate who gets to pick the venue.  Well it turns out this week was my choice.  I wanted to pick a location we had not experienced yet.  I finally decided on a place called Monkey Burger.

Well even before Friday night this caused a number of fun exchanges mostly between us and Tiny Artist.

"What's Monkey Burger?  Is that a place where you eat monkeys?"

"Maybe they don't cook monkeys but instead they have monkeys in cages.  Or maybe monkeys dance on the tables.  Or what if they have ape waiters to serve the food?"

Friday, September 20, 2013

An Insider's View of the Batcave

Hello my Sprites.  I'm so glad you decided to stop by.  We've scheduled a tour of The Insomniac's house today.  The Tinys have left quite a mess in their wake so please watch your step.  If you are ready to proceed then please follow me.  By follow me I of course mean click here and my mutant abilities will transport you to the home.

Thursday, September 19, 2013

My Wife Left Me and All I Got Was This Leet Sword

So I'm supposed to be writing about my goals right?  Okay well I have this goal to be the
best player in World of Warcraft.  So I'm just gonna log on here and get to it.

"What's that honey?  Yes I know the kids need to be taken to school I'm just getting on
for a few minutes."

Okay so here we are in the world of Azeroth.  I should probably start by getting my
dailies out of the way.  Yeah I know it sounds lame doing the same quests each and every
day just to stay on top.  It's not though.  It's really fucking fun.

"Sorry dear, did you say something?  Oh, you took the kids to school already?  Thanks.  I
was kind of doing something important anyway."